happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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