My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
