Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
