I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
