Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
