fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
