youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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