so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
