That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
