I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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