Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
