TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
