He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
