I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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