i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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