I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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