i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
