I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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