I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
