did you get engaged???
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
