i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
