Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
