So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
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And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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