his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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