mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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