Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize