if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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