I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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