dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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