we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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