You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
