I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize