After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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