someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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