I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
As shirtless as possible
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
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That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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