12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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