You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
