Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
