Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
