i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
