this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize