she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
