We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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