You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize