I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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