i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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