at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
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You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I fill condoms, not promises.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I need a beard to bite.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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