i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
