i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
