Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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