Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
did i just pee glitter
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
