I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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