I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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