I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
