he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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