I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
