i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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