I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
