let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
