He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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