we have pet lesbian snakes
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
