Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We're too hungover to prance.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
