Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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