I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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