don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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