I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
