Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
