The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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