Well apparently he's into motor boating.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
