when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize