Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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