On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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