I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
