No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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