My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Randomize
