So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
