the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
