Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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