When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So much rum. So many feels.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
