Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize