Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
