If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
