I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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