porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
