i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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