i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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